I Interviewed My Sons For Mother's Day—Here's What They Really Think Of Me

An Honest, Unfiltered Conversation About Love, Loss And Growing up Too Fast.

I always wanted to be a mum.

When I was just a kid, I used to daydream about what my kids would look like, how fiercely I’d love them — I literally couldn’t wait to have babies that would be mine to keep. I grew up with an alcoholic, abusive father, and was determined to right the wrongs of my childhood by being an incredible mother.

I became a mother at 30, and I’m now a proud boy mum to Tiago-Zane, 21, and Javier-Lee, almost 15. I’ll be brutally honest — I wanted a boy and a girl (I actually wrote this story for Grazia magazine and got death threats). I never got my daughter in human form, but I did get two girls: my beloved Bengal cat Lola — who at 19 went to heaven this week, breaking my heart wide open — and my cavapoo Faith, whom I reluctantly got for my sons when my marriage ended suddenly and tragically. She became my guardian angel instead. So I guess that makes me a mama of four.

My beautiful boys, though. I wouldn’t change them for the world.

I’ve devoted my life to them and like to think I did a good job (at times on my knees). I’ve also devoted my life to trying to outrun my childhood trauma — but in something of a self-fulfilling prophecy, it reared its ugly head when my marriage ended, and the family I’d longed for forever was blown to smithereens.

I didn’t just struggle. I lost my sh*t completely.

Tiago was 11, and Javier was 5. My biggest regret is that my pain became theirs to carry when it was never theirs to hold. It also robbed me of precious time just being with them without drowning in a sea of pain, grief, fear, and abandonment.

For Mother’s Day, instead of a present, I asked to interview my sons and gave them complete carte blanche — no filter — to critique my mothering.

They didn’t hold back.

What Do You Love or Admire About Me?

Tiago: Your drive and unwillingness to give up. Moving to London with Dad, moving our family to New York with no job — all the crazy things you’ve done in your life. I think that’s taught me that I can do anything and what real drive and resilience look like.

Javier: Your ability to be yourself. Your whole thing is like, you’re an Aries, you’re like, the shit. You have main character syndrome for sure, but that’s one of the best things about you. You really know how to be a confident person, how to talk to people, and how to be emotionally intelligent.

Is There Anything You’d Change About Me?

Tiago: Honestly, I wouldn’t change much. But maybe the depressive side of things — that’s no good to anybody. It hurts, especially when you see your mum going to that place. I just feel your pain.

Javier: You’re very supportive of me, very passionate — maybe sometimes too over-passionate. Your discipline is sometimes a little unreasonable, and you just yell, which is not the answer, and that’s what I’m not going to do with my kids. You’re very, very, very affectionate — but once again, that’s a double-edged sword. Sometimes it gets too much. If that were to translate into my parenting, I would give my children a little more space — or maybe less affection, or just a different type of affection. But also, I’ll be a father and you’re a mother, which is a very different relationship with your children.

Do You Think I’ve Been a Good Mum?

Tiago: You’re an amazing mum. What I like most about your parenting style is putting our happiness first, which is definitely something I want to do as a parent. You’ve also taught me that nothing really matters — even if you’re stressing over money, deadlines, or school — unless you’re happy. You’ve taught me to simplify things and always put myself first.

Javier: Yeah, you are the mum I wanted. You’re pretty chill. I think I need to go through more experiences and grow up a little more to truly appreciate it. But for the most part — yeah. I would say your parenting can be inconsistent about what you choose to discipline and don’t. With schoolwork, one day you’re going to be super into it, and then you don’t ask about it. Maybe find a balance between that.

What’s the Best Advice I’ve Ever Given You?

Tiago: There are definitely some one-liners that I keep day to day. “Stay in the moment, break it down.” “Life is short, but it’s also long.” “Take it one day at a time — whether that’s school, work, or whatever you need to do.” You also constantly tell me that every day that passes, I’m one step closer to finishing my degree, and I don’t have to think about the finishing line.

Javier: The advice you give me is pretty good — it’s a little cocky, but you always tell me to be myself and that I can be anything. My family’s done a really good job at keeping me confident but also humble, which is something I think I do well. It’s just pure confidence, and you’ve taught me how to be my own self.

What About Me Embarrasses You?

Tiago: I can be a bit embarrassed by how involved you get in certain situations — like a tiger mum style. If I told you something about a friend and I knew you were going to run into them, I know you wouldn’t be able to fake your emotions, and I can see you giving a stink eye real bad. Sometimes I can get embarrassed when you drink too much. But you are also the life of the party — so when I really think about it, I think, you know what, she’s actually having the most fun out of everyone here.

Javier: Me and Tiago talk about this all the time — you’re the most embarrassing mum in the world. Like, when you come to one of our soccer or baseball games, and you’re screaming your head off. You just don’t really care what people think. With Tiago’s friends, because they’re older and you hang out with them more — that’s definitely got to be embarrassing for him. Embarrassment is a state of mind, though. You could wear the craziest outfit in the world, especially in New York City, and nobody’s going to bat an eye.

What Is Your Worst Memory of Me?

Tiago: That Christmas, when you rocked up to dinner after drinking all day and made a whole scene — honestly, thinking about it now, it’s quite funny, but at the moment it definitely was not. Some guy came up and said something rude about you, and I was like, don’t you dare speak to her like that — so I stepped in, even though I was that pissed off at you.

Javier: When I was in 6th grade, after school in Union Square, I got pressed by these kids, and I called you, and you came in like a fucking wrecking ball and just went, “Who the fuck touched my son?” Screaming, literally like a dinosaur in T. rex mode. That was too much.

What’s Your Favorite Memory of Us?

Tiago: Last summer, when we went to Greece and were driving with “On the Bible” blaring. That was pretty ripping. I love to travel with you. And then just all our little wine nights and always watching a TV show together.

Javier: This is probably one of my least favorites — but it’s stuck with me the most. When we were in LA, we went to Universal because I was too little to go on the big kid rides at Disneyland with Tiago and his friends. I begged you to get the express pass so we could go on all the rides. I always feel bad about this story, because you spent all this money and I would only go on the baby Minion ride and to Harry Potter Land to buy a friggin wand. I do love any topic we talk about, though — fashion, what’s the hot gossip about an influencer — I love the Kardashian talks.

How Would You Describe the Mother–Son Relationship?

Tiago: I think we have a mother-son relationship where I can come to you for anything, for advice, and 99 percent of the time, you’re the first person I would go to. But I also like that we have a friendship. If I want to watch a new TV show, you’re the first person I’ll come to. There are definitely a lot of people out there who do not want to spend time with their mother.

Javier: It’s a pretty weird relationship, honestly. I wouldn’t say I’m necessarily a mama’s boy — Tiago is. I used to be, but that’s just how people grow up. I think I need to go through more experiences to truly understand you. I’ve always been kind of on the sidelines, watching the big grown-ups talk. Growing up younger than Tiago created a lot of divide in my relationship with the family — I’m kind of separate. It’s an entirely different relationship than you, Tiago and Dad.

How Did Our Family’s Breakdown Impact You?

Tiago: It made me so sad for my mummy. I would think she must be going through a lot right now because she’s usually so strong. What you went through, we kind of went through together, in a way. I think it negatively affected me later, because I feel like I had to step up a bit. But I’m grateful that you continued to make our family very family-first. I don’t hold a grudge or feel like I missed out on my childhood — I’m actually happy that you were able to go through it with someone and you weren’t alone.

Javier: I feel like I had to grow up really quickly. Tiago became my caretaker — I actually really enjoyed that, and I hope my children have that sort of bond with each other, because it’s quite rare. But it came out of a tragedy, which should not happen to a 13-year-old kid. And when you went away for a while — that really affected me. I mean, you tried the best you could with the situation you were given, but it definitely wasn’t easy.

Do You Think You’ve Been Left with Childhood Trauma?

Tiago: I don’t think I have trauma. What I’ve learned from your and Dad’s relationship is what to look out for, what not to do, and what not to put on your kids. Like fighting in front of them and making them feel like they had to choose sides. I felt like you and Dad were overly competitive for our affection — trying to win us over. Here’s a bit of my trauma, though: I actually don’t think it’s possible to have a happy marriage. I really find it hard to believe that people can find someone and be happily married for the rest of their lives. Even when I see what might be a happy marriage, I’m just like — that just doesn’t exist.

Javier: I feel like I had to grow up really quickly. Too much of something creates a polar opposite — I probably got too much love or attention, to the point where I don’t really seek it out as much anymore. I felt like a baby my entire life.

What Have I Taught You?

Tiago: You’ve taught me to be self-aware, open, accepting, and loving of myself, because we’re all different. You’ve encouraged me to better understand how my brain works. The things you might think are flaws are not — they’re just part of your makeup. We need to work out how to manage that and play to our strengths.

Javier: I feel emotions very deeply, and I would say that’s what drives my creative passion — emotion. I would be nowhere without them. You’ve helped me become curious and invested in understanding them. But I also believe there is a time and a place to express them, especially the heavier ones. People tell me I’m emotionally intelligent all the time, and I would say that comes from you. Yes, it’s okay to cry — but at the same time, you do have to be strong.

It Was Just You and Me When We Lost Lola This Week, Javi…

Javier: The best person I could go through that with would be you. When you go through something that emotionally heavy, everybody does need their mum. I feel like we kind of fed off each other during such a hard time. It was definitely rough, but it improved our relationship on an emotional level. I’m still grieving a little bit, but thankful for the moments we had with Lola. There’s always light at the end of the tunnel, hopefully.

What’s Your Mother’s Day Message to Me?

Tiago: I love you very much, Mum. I love the mother that you are. You’re a really cool mum. You deserve everything good to come your way — you deserve it the most out of anyone.

Javier: Thank you. You’ve given me the gift of passion — whether that’s about what I want to do for my job, which is obviously be a fashion icon or something. Growing up, going to runway shows, seeing all the magazines, your chic vibe — it kind of shaped who I am today.